When I Experienced The Essence Of Existence During Surgery

Probably the only quality sleep I’ve gotten in over a decade.

A Big Impact

In January 2020, I was going in for surgery to remove all four of my wisdom teeth. Due to their impacted status, they were causing stress and headaches for me.

During the procedure, I’d be put under local anesthetic. So I wouldn’t be awake while they cut up the insides of my mouth. That would be interesting. The last time I’d been unconscious was probably when I slept as a kid.

I miss being able to sleep.

When the day arrived, I was driven to the little dentistry building. After getting in the hot seat, a needle was carefully stabbed through my arm, and I was told to count down from 10.

10… 9… 8… 7… 6… uhh…oh right… 5… 4…

The Novocaine kicked in before I finished counting. And without me even knowing, my consciousness ceased to exist. I had entered this peculiar state of existence that is difficult to describe in words.

I was in this void. And I was experiencing being there in the darkness. But nothing else. I wasn’t having any thoughts. I was just present.

I think it’s impossible to know without being there yourself. Because even if you try to think of nothing, you’re still thinking about thinking of nothing.

The concept of time completely went away. I only existed in this abyss. It wasn’t exciting or boring. Nor did it feel too long or too short.

It just was.

In our online world, where everything is happening non-stop, it was a relief for me. Split-second decision-making and judgments, bombardments of information, and constant worries over everything. None of that existed in this state.

It was the purest essence of existence.

While it was cool in hindsight, I couldn’t enjoy it at the moment. Because it was physically impossible to. But it’s not accurate to say I felt nothing either. Feeling nothing is still feeling something.

I just didn’t feel. Period.

At one point, I began to hear these muted scraping and grinding sounds. I had no thoughts about it. Or about anything, for that matter. I could hear. But it didn’t register in my mind that I was hearing.

Eventually, the anesthetic fully wore off, and I regained consciousness. I saw the room I was in. The real world didn’t feel much different, save for the fact that I could see and have thoughts again.

The dentist asked me if I could remember who I was and where I was. I answered their questions with ease. I had only come off the effects of the drug for less than a minute, but I already had full cognitive function.

No grogginess or anything.

I thanked them for doing the procedure and for not killing me. Before the surgery, I was thinking about what would happen if I just never woke up. But everything went well.

After Effects

So that was pretty much the whole experience. It was when I got home that the sores really started to take their toll on me. And there was still blood pouring nonstop from the cuts in my mouth.

I had two cotton balls on each side. Over the rest of the evening, they quickly became saturated with dark red. I had to get a second pair to soak up more. And then a third.

I don’t think I’d ever lost that much blood before. Pretty wild.

The sores lasted for some time after that. They actually got worse on the second and third days. It was really agonizing. And I only ate jook for the entire period of recovery.

pain…

Over three years later, my jaw still keeps clicking. Especially in the morning, after I’ve been smooshing my face into my bed and building up pressure in those joints.

As soon as I open my mouth to yawn or something I just feel…

*cr-cr-crack*

But anyway, that’s how I got my wisdom teeth removed.

10/10 — would do drugs again. But only for medical purposes.