Of All The Times I Could’ve Existed, Why Now?

Join me in my random thoughts and having an existential crisis.

An Existential Crisis

Alot has happened in my life. Despite being a shut-in even years before the pandemic, I’ve experienced a surprising amount of things.

However, sometimes it all grinds to a halt. I don’t mind too much. It gives me time to do nothing. Nothing but ruminate about my very existence, that is.

Who am I…?

The first modern humans appeared 200,000 years ago. And civilization is only around 6,000 years old. I will live 100 years at most if I’m lucky.

That sounds like a lot of time to me, but on the grand scale of the universe, it’s nothing. They say that if the universe were a clock, humans would barely fit in the last second.

One. That’s it.

Yet in that short period of time, so much has happened. Humanity went from sticks and stones to use complex tools. Hunter-gatherers and all of that.

Fast forward to the last few centuries, and it’s almost absurd how fast technology has been changing.

Electricity, computers, and artificial intelligence galore. It feels like every 10 years the world is completely transformed once more.

Not that I’d know, since I’ve only experienced two “10 years”.

Now space exploration is booming and in my lifetime I might get a chance to go to Mars. Maybe not likely, but you never know what could happen. I doubt many thought our current technology would be plausible before.

I thought about this in a college English course, right before the pandemic. But I’ve thought about all of those companies that have been established for quite some time.

You know, those signs that are like…

“Since 1934”

I know there are some really old ones that date back to the year 900. But most of the ones I’ve seen go back 200 years at most.

Maybe that’s just because I’ve lived in the United States. America is still an infant country on the grand scale of things. I’ve heard this saying:

“Americans think 100 years is a long time. And Europeans think 100 miles is a long distance.”

But it’s really interesting to think that some of these modern companies may survive long enough to have those “old” labels. Technologies like those made by Google, Amazon, and SpaceX.

“1000 Years of Rocket Launches. Since 2000-whatever.”

Will these highly complex technologies become obsolete in time? Have we reached the plateau of the Sigmoid Curve? Or are we actually going exponential?

A lot of people who grew up without smartphones may feel Generation Z takes a lot of this technology for granted. I can’t speak for everyone, but the capabilities of technology do freak me out when I think about it.

How the hell did they make this computer I’m writing with?

It makes freakin’ words and images out of nothing. You can display anything on it, and it animates across the screen when you scroll a mouse that isn’t even physically connected to it.

I majored in computer science and graduated a year ago. But even with some knowledge, it still blows my mind. I’ve gotten acclimated to using computers, but it’s still remarkable when I really think about it.

Hell, electricity itself blows my mind. I thought it was magic when I was a kid. And I still honestly do now.

What do you mean it’s physics? It’s wizardry!

And then it all loops back to the concept of time again. I’ll admit that I used to be one of those kids who thought their generation was better and smarter than the older folks.

“They had computers back in 1980?”

Supposedly, all the “bad people” from the early 1900s were going out of power. All those problems in the world were a thing of the past. Peace and prosperity for all.

I didn’t know anything about what was happening outside my neighborhood. If my old self told me that today, I would punt him across the room.

Dork. *kick*

Furthermore, at that age, it never occurred to me that technology existed before the 2000s. Or the “naughties”, as some call them. Before the whole dot com bubble and Y2K stuff.

A time without smartphones everywhere, sure. But definitely not without complex technologies that still existed today.

Electric generators are now over 140 years old. Computers and even artificial intelligence date back to the 1950s.

Sure, they weren’t as developed as they are today. But they existed, and there were other complex technologies as well.

People a hundred years ago, or even a thousand years ago weren’t necessarily “dumber”.

They had only discovered less.

And so, that makes me question how much we’re getting wrong right now. In fact, I’ve experienced quite a few shifts in our knowledge already.

Pluto was downgraded to a dwarf planet in 2006, but I never knew until years later.

An entire planet was removed from the freakin’ solar system,
and I hadn’t had a clue.

And there was a discovery very recently with the James Webb telescope that implied our books on our understanding of the universe would have to be completely rewritten.

I don’t know what could be next. Is the sun also made of cheese, like the moon? Are we actually in a simulation?

What is even crazier is that this acceleration might actually be a deceleration.

I’ve read a lot on this, and based on what I’ve read, compared to the previous century, technological advances have actually been slowing.

And the 22nd and 23rd centuries will apparently be even slower.

Out of all the times in history I could have been born, I was born in the 21st century. Because of that, I was able to partake in the onset of the digital age.

It has truly been a remarkable moment in human history. Yet, funnily enough, it doesn’t feel very much so. We may be in a technological Renaissance right now.

But to me, the 21st century feels like normal life. Because it is for me.

Why did I not come into existence later? Why have computers not existed for 500 years? How come there hasn’t been 1000 years of development in the field already?

Why not 10,000 years old?

Hell, modern civilization hasn’t even lasted that long yet. Why is that? I want to know what it would be like to live in a world where video games have existed for thousands of years already.

Maybe this isn’t even my first rodeo. What if the universe is repeating itself, and this is its 100th iteration? Did everything happen exactly the same as the last? Or are things completely different?

(That would suck.)

To have already lived this life out, but have no past recollection of doing so.

What if I’ve already written these exact words out countless times?

I’m not sure if knowing would be better either. Knowing in advance how my life will pan out and eventually end. Maybe I would be able to change course and prepare for the tribulations that are to come.

On the other hand, maybe there are some things I’m better off not knowing.

That would be impossible though. If the universe is repeating itself over and over, but I suddenly gained knowledge of it doing so, then that time would be different that all the previous iterations.

Instead, it would mean there are multiple different possibilities for me.

A multiverse, if you will.

I like this idea the most. It’s the idea that in multiple universes, I’m experiencing exactly what I wanted.

A universe where I never had depression.
Where I made tons of friends in school.

Another one where I never procrastinated on my goals.
And yet another where I’ve found true happiness.

Of course, that would mean in a bunch of other universes, I’m experiencing true suffering. But I guess some sacrifices are needed.

A universe where I’m starving to death and homeless.
Where I remain alone for the rest of my life.

Another one where I’m brutally cut into pieces by an axe murderer.
And yet another where the world never existed in the first place.

I wonder which one this universe would be. Hopefully, this world is somewhere in the middle.

There are a lot of things that I wish could come true. And a lot of things I wish weren’t true. Unfortunately, most of them are facts I cannot change.

At least I can create my own little universes through my dreams and writing. That’s always fun. And I’ve been trying to get better at it in these past few years.

It’s pretty cool to give my characters the life I never had.

But it’s also cool to give them the life I did have.

I put a piece of myself into each and every one of my characters. My experience as a 21st-century human being. I think that’s what makes fiction so fun. The same goes for these articles.

By writing, in a sense, I may still live on even after physical death.

Anyway, it appears I’ve run out of thoughts to ponder about.

In the meantime, I’ve got to get back to living this existence. I still don’t know anything. I don’t know if there’s even a purpose to it all.

There might be a time loop, or there might not be one.
There might be a multiverse, or there might not be one.

This could be my only time to exist. Or it might not.
I suppose it also depends on my interpretation of existence.

Maybe it’s all one big simulation. It does feel like a video game sometimes.

I’ll keep playing. It’s not like I have a choice.