ⓘ Self Introduction – 2025 Edition
A Rollercoaster Bio
Like many others, I once lived a carefree life as a kid. Kindness, joy, and optimism for this world were abundant. Over the years, that presence has waxed and waned dramatically.
I was always told I was too quiet. Shy, passive, sensitive. Perhaps a true statement, which only worsened as time went on. Frustrating nonetheless.
I dreaded the presence of others. A pit existed within my gut. Anxiety forced my face into a frown so severe it hurt. I felt terrified of how others perceived me, not wanting any teacher to call on me. My voice was so weak that I was borderline inaudible.
I was isolated for most of those 4 years. An outcast, a loser, the quiet kid that might've well not existed. Depression and anxiety skyrocketed, even more so as I turned to social media.
Anger and frustration clouded my mind. I felt hopeless about the state of the world. It made me argumentative, short-circuited, and polar. It brought out the worst in me, as I justified my wrongs, thinking the world was against me.
I chose the ballistic route. There was no hope, there was no future. It was just me versus everything and everyone else, and I'd fight fire with fire. Ages passed before I finally snapped out of my fervor, wondering how far my morals and decorum had fallen.
It's scary how far justifications can lead down a dark path. As the saying goes, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Despite those mistakes, college years felt like an improvement. I interacted with a few people and even became acquainted. I was still quite inept, but I had never hung out with someone or attended social events before.
For the first time in over a decade, I felt I could connect with people.
Of course, fate would never call for a happy ending. Not even halfway through my university experience, the world was struck with a century-defining pandemic.
Gone were the face-to-face interactions. Gone was any semblance of humanity. Back to the glowing boxes and infinite feeds of despair.
Two and a half years later, pomp and circumstance ring out again. For the first time in ages, I see crowds of people. People in the same cohort who survived the same circumstances as I did.
There was a sense of unity, even if I didn't recognize most. The speeches rang out about how we were ready to enter the workforce as professionals. We would be the voices and engineers to change the world.
I was ready for the bright future. The promise I was made over 16 years prior.
Bullsh*t.
In my first interview, I was laughed at. The subsequent ones followed a pattern of time-wasting, dehumanization, and ghosting. I never felt so picked apart and disrespected.
Just my luck to graduate at the end of an industry peak, and into the biggest downturn in almost two decades. But something fundamental was awry, too.
Everywhere I went, I was only reminded of how worthless I was. No matter how many endeavors I attempted, how many projects I worked on, or what ideas I had.
I hadn't done enough. I wasn't trying hard enough. You're a delusional failure, not suited for the real world.
With no viable options in sight, I fell into my worst mental state yet. It somehow eclipsed even the horrors of high school. Despite how bad it was, I was never driven to hurt myself.
Not until the cruelty of this "real world" bore itself.
I ended up in the only domain that respected me – volunteerism. In pro bono work, I felt wanted and appreciated. There was ample opportunity to gain experience with real projects.
I had the opportunity to make significant contributions and learned I was more capable than I believed. Yet the employment search continued its assault on my identity, as did social judgment.
Over two and a half years later, I broke my streak and found a job. It wasn't in my field, but minimum wage retail. I felt the difference – everything felt genuine, opposite to the pretentiousness and dehumanization in tech.
The beginning was rough, dealing with the public's insanity. I'm now nearly a year in. I was promoted to a shift lead just 4 months in. Despite the crazies, I've connected with many people. My social skills are better than ever, even if I'm still awkward. I am more assertive. And my resistance to adversity is strong.
It's tough with constant overtime, but I still engineer software. I have many other artistic endeavors. Above all, I believe not what society and others tell me, but in my experiences – in myself.
I may not have reached utopia, but I am more content than ever. I'm sure I will get there in time.
The Things I Do And Like
These are the activities and interests I work on, or try in my free time.
(Click to expand a section.)
Software Engineering & Volunteering
Year of interest: 2014
As aforementioned, I am a college graduate. I earned my Bachelor's Degree in Computer Science in 2022. But I'd say my interest in programming goes way back.
My first computer science courses were as a high school freshman. Even as a pre-teen, I was unknowingly practicing code logic via redstone in the game Minecraft.
I began working pro bono for a wildlife nonprofit in 2023, on a volunteer-driven, AI-assisted, wildlife annotation platform.
I did a smaller, automation-based project with a food bank before joining a civic organization in 2024. Their project focuses on alternatives to toxic social media to foster productive political discourse.
I juggle between multiple nonprofit projects and my own. My projects used to revolve around narrative games, but I've shifted away from that sphere.
My main project is an experimental website called retconn.org, which aims to foster a productive environment for writers to get feedback and connect with collaborators.
The premise combines parts of the philosophy behind the civic organization with my own writer's block, social media, and connection experiences.
While I'm not eager about games in a pure sense anymore, I resonate with gamification. "Project Restoration" is a concept I've had stowed away, utilizing narrative storytelling with geolocation to drive real-world environmental impact and data collection.
Or without the marketing mumbo jumbo – a litter picking anime game. Been slowly thinking it out, even commissioning some basic artwork. There's a lot on my plate, I'm taking my time.
I enjoy working with Django/Python. It just happened to be the framework I used first and most, so I've used it for all my websites. React is another I've learned through volunteering.
The most important lesson I've learned is that code is the least important part of software to me. Rather, it's the motivations and philosophy behind the software that matter.
The wonder I had for computers was unfortunately killed by the mistreatment I endured by the job-seeking process's inhumanity. But I now know that computation is a tool, not an identity.
My passion lives on through my beliefs.
Music Production
Year of interest: 2017
I tried to learn a few instruments when I was in elementary school, although I did it incorrectly. I never varied the notes in a piano chord. I played the guitar with the hole facing up, plucking one string at a time.
I never became a musical master, but the catharsis of musical flow brought me to another realm. I started work with digital audio workstations in 2017. I may not have needed to learn individual instruments, but it was now a technical craft.
Years passed with little to no progress. My mixes sounded awful and hurt my ears. Too muddy, too bassy, too crowded. 8 years later, I see the progress more clearly.
My perception changed, and I've learned small things can have a huge impact. The difference between acoustic agony and total satisfaction was often a single choice.
I've learned the significance of each decision over these years. I've noticed the nuances of mainstream mixes and how far simplicity can go.
Every time, I thought to myself, "It's perfect now," as I blasted my ears to deafness. I'd be over the moon with euphoria. Then I'd hear my work a day later and hate it.
After 8 years of meandering, I made one more decision. The decision to pre-collapse samples into mono cleared up a majority of issues I had, but I couldn't explain it with my work.
The cleared-up space let me hear and accurately fix EQ and compression issues. I listened to my work and compared it to a reference track. And after what feels like an eternity, it felt close.
For the first time, I felt satisfied without deluding myself. I relistened days later, and still felt the same way. Perhaps it's that consistency that indicates my shift to objectivity.
But also important is to embrace the inevitability of perfection. Funnily enough, one of my less well-mixed tracks ended up on the Newgrounds featured page, years later. Perhaps there's more to art than self-perception and technical sense.
I enjoy expression and getting into that state of flow. A journey to my world, my own universe. I'm sure I'll love the results more as I work out those long-standing problems I've fought to overcome.
Drawing / Graphic Design
Year of interest: 2017
I wanted to try everything in 2017. I attempted to draw background art assets for my projects. I learned the basics of one- and two-point perspective and vector art.
However, my expectations versus reality were too high. I eventually turned to commissioning artists and collaboration, but the learning didn't stop there. I still had to know how to provide feedback and instructions.
Over the years, I've come to understand why I felt certain ways about art. Depth of field, spacing, and all the little things could make or break a piece.
I tried a short stint in character art in 2024 - a rejuvenation of something I thought was impossibly complex before. While the experiments were short-lived, they were not for nought. I managed to draw my first halfway-comprehensible character.
Perhaps one day, when I stop starting a billion hobbies at once, I'll return to this endeavor and have another burst of improvement.
Fiction
Year of interest: 2017
My writing endeavors began in 2017, just as in music. Never having written a story before, I had ambitions to create games with novel-length scripts.
The ideas I held as a moody, isolated teen didn't translate to a compelling story. Matter of fact, to recall its existence makes me want to hurl. But that was the first step - to write something.
I've tried and failed again. But I keep learning. I read more and realize the nuances of other works. Mainly, the simplicity and focus on fun, rather than attempting to force greater meaning.
When I start my next work of fiction, it may be the most childish yet. But it will also be the best. Those past 160,000 words aren't wasted. They're stepping stones to my next idea.
Non-fiction & Storytelling
Year of interest: 2023
Journaling my thoughts was a way to release pent-up emotions. I was in a critical stage of depression in 2023. The world felt against me, and I had no one to turn to.
Writing allowed me to explore my past, thereby gaining a greater understanding of the feelings and circumstances I experienced. It gave me greater agency to believe in myself.
I originally hosted my work on Medium, but any social media has its drawbacks. I switched to creating this very site a year later. This self-aggrandizingly named blog now hosts nearly 200,000 words documenting my ideology and life experiences.
Photo & Videography
Year of interest: 2009
I first laid my hands on a camera when I was in 4th grade. My first equipment was a Lumix FZ-35. I've switched gear many times since, from the Panasonic V-550 to the VX-1 and Insta360 x3 I own now.
A rampant fear of forgetting fueled my need to capture every moment. I had no present, so I held onto the past. That fear has lessened nowadays, and I live more in the now. I don't have much time.
That doesn't mean I don't value recording, though. I've immortalized 17 years' worth of experiences, from everyday happenings to vacations. I've got some pretty cool shots and stills from my adventures.
Even if my present is most important, sometimes, I like to cherish memories from the past.
Arcades & Gambling
Year of interest: 2021
I feel like gambling and gaming are in my genes. I went on a crane game mania in 2021. I won dozens of oversized plushes and anime figures for free, spending no more than $30 overall.
When I get into something, I get obsessed. Tracking tool sites for easily winnable games, completing reward offers for free plays. I had a lot of free time back then. Though time is now a commodity.
That doesn't mean my obsession was a fad. I discovered social casino churning in November 2024 - a way to profit off shady online casinos. I've cycled $210,000+ through these sites. Even with a small percentage gain on that total, at one point, I earned more than I did in my actual job.
I also hit many new signup bonuses for credit cards - 7 in the last year alone. Apart from cash, I have enough rewards points for free hotel nights and flights.
Treating life like a game can still somehow result in ridiculous outcomes, it seems. I certainly enjoy playing it.